Monday, January 31, 2011


Everyday that I wake up and remember my dreams, I am thankful.  Last night in my dream, I was back at the farm in Warren, N.J. One of the thousand places I have had the pleasure to call home throughout my lifetime. There was a beautiful sunset and one of my roommates was  excited to have found a rare perennial and was getting ready to plant it.  I asked if I could have a piece to plant myself and he gladly handed me a branch and showed me how to sow it.  Needless to say I woke up inspired! An interesting detail is that it is his birthday in a couple days and we haven't spoken in awhile.  I actually only found out it was his birthday, after my dream. 

What I realized was that my subconscious was telling me that I had gotten through some of my fears by letting go of things which no longer served me.  This dream was a reassurance that  I am finally headed in the right direction and that once again I can believe in friendship and move forward.  For awhile, I had terrible nightmares of being chased by someone or something that wanted to harm me.  I now know that the only harm chasing me were my fears of letting go and the walls I had built were keeping me stranded.  I was running away from myself!  My essence had been stained to the core, and that had left me exposed and weak to deal with my own demons.

I also looked up what it meant to dream of sowing and here is what I found: "To dream that you are sowing seeds, represents new beginnings or a major project for which you are laying the groundwork for.  The dream may also be a metaphor for sex or some sexual act.  Seeds, represents new". 

That is it!!!  My idea to publish a newspaper and the research I've been doing for it is helping me break through those walls.  I am learning!  I am growing!  Phew, what a relief! I was becoming a grumpy pessimist. 

The sex thing is a given, I am always thinking about sex.

So today I took the time to reflect on the last year of my life.  Thinking about where I was and where I am, reminding myself of the possibilities for change and becoming a better me. It is also planting season and as in my dream, I started sowing my seeds.  Today I planted cherry Tomatoes, Basil, English Thyme, Parsley and of course, more dreams.

Later I decided to make a delicious meal in my new pressure cooker.  While cooking, I was brought back to my grandmother's kitchen almost eighteen years ago.  The loud sound of the steamer, instantly reminded me of a simpler time, a time that I now strive for.

A panela de pressão gritando no meu ouvido, cheirinho de alho frito e Kid Abelha tocando na minha pandora.  Dezoito anos antes e eu me encontro na cozinha da minha avó, meu irmão na sala assistindo televisão e minha mãe correndo de um lado para o outro, limpando alguma coisa.  Meu pai, com certeza de cueca e se pendurando da porta para esticar o corpo e falando como isso faz bem para sua coluna.   Se tento forçar  a lembrança da minha infância, me encontro cheia de perguntas e esquecendo quase tudo. Mais quando vem assim derrepente, e como se eu estivesse voltado no tempo.

...It is now the next morning and I am finishing up yesterday’s post.  Had another dream, this time with friends that weren’t so encouraging and supportive and are no longer in my life.  In the dream, they did exactly as expected, thought of themselves and ran right over me.   Reflecting on both dreams and realizing their relevance, I concluded that it was only the beginning of my growth. 

The roads we travel are filled with obstacles and bad people.  Whether you choose to follow your dream and fight for what you believe in, or if you allow life to just carry you through, there will be hardships.  Bad people are everywhere because we are all bad.  Must us realize our faults and learn from our mistakes to be good.  Ultimately,  you control many things in your life. 

I just hope to have the strength to forgive myself and not to forget that I am human too.  I hope to grow and learn through all my experiences as I walk through life and evolve my soul as much as I can while I am here.

1 comment:

  1. Filha,adorei que voce escreveu,e acho que voce esta comecando a se encontrar e so assim voce vai ser feliz.